MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING

Learning How To Love and Be Loved
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Dangerous Word!
Healthy Communication:
Discuss the ISSUES.
 
Disagreement (seeing things from a different point of view) always occurs among everyone, and this is the issue that must be discussed.  Stay with the issue, no matter how much your emotions want to detract you to personal criticism or relationship attacks. 

 Deteriorating Communication:

Personal Attack

 

This occurs when the disagreement intensifies, and the other person's behavior, character, personality, family, background, etc. is attacked.

Statements like 'I'm sick of your laziness', or 'You are stupid and dumb' may seem like the issue, but cannot resolve the disagreeement, because it is a personal criticism.

 

The result is that the other person will almost always defend themselves by a counter-attack on your personal character.

 

Stay with the Issue.

 Lost Communication:

Relationship Attack

 

'I don't know why I stay with you!', 'I'm sick of this relationship', 'I know this will never get better', are just some of the statements that cannot be explained, rationalized or reach a compromise.  At this point, you may be talking, but your aren't communicating!

 

The next step is Behavior.

1. Either the argument ends.

2. Someone acts on the Relationship Attack, often with a personal space separation, hopefully temporarily.

 

Stay with the Issue.